Immemorial Musing

(Precursor): At random times throughout my life, I write things in a journal, which is literally on either a Word document or an iPhone note. A couple of my first posts here were from these journals, like “Me”, which was directly from the original time I wrote that. Sometimes, like with this post, I’m going to tweak some parts.

I plan on incorporating a lot of these journal entries, as Immemorial Musing is obviously now my “main hub” for my thoughts, if you will.

So, this is from 5/12/21 – 4:07 AM:

My brain is simultaneously filled with everything and nothing at the same time. One minute, my mind could be running rampant with existential thoughts, and the next minute it could be mindlessly empty, almost like it would be perfect with elevator music. This is not going to be why I think I am a troubled mind, or at least not entirely. Mainly, this entry is simply to wonder about things, and explain some things about life that have popped into my head somewhere in the past decade.

First of all, does it not make anyone else instantly sad that you will not experience life as anyone else? Sometimes, I look at myself and realize who I am, and that I will never experience life through anyone else’s eyes. It’s actually a pretty scary thought, at least to me. It’s something that comes back in my mind every now and again, and every time it does it makes me a little sad. For now, I’m not sure how else to put it into words.

Next,

Life is boring. That’s it.

Ok now for the over-the-top dramatic explanation. So as a kid, and even as a teenager, I just somehow had these thoughts of life being magical. Not like actual fantasy, but magic. At this point, it has been way too long for me to remember clearly how my brain used to work, but let’s just say that the magic in my mind slowly deteriorated a while ago. Now I just get little spurts of magic, like anyone else does when they watch an enchanting movie or listen to orchestral music. However, nowadays when I feel magic, I tend to just sit there and……absorb it. I don’t really want to move. I feel like my mind is just trying its hardest to feel something more, and I’m okay with that, because, for a split second, I do.

-Immemorial Musing