Immemorial Musing

Everything has been collapsing.

I haven’t been interested in most things. I stopped doing things that I did every day consistently, like watching one of my specific favorite YouTuber’s new daily video, or simpler things like doing daily check-ins in games. I have always had bad or complicated dreams, but they’ve been getting more consistently bad. I completely stopped some of my hobbies, and I really mean completely. I don’t feel like myself, even if I wasn’t sure of who I was anyway.

It started the literal day after my last post.

I mentioned in a previous post that I went on a date. It was the best first date I ever had. However, that seemed to only be how I felt.

The exact day after my last post here, she said we should just be friends. I don’t want to get into specific details, as it is more personal and also more like gossip, but it was a confusing mix of emotions for me.

That seemed to be the start of this collapse. By “seemed to be”, I mean it was obvious.

Again, for emphasis, my daily routine completely shifted. I suddenly stopped things that I did daily, small things that are simple and only take minutes. These are things that I did every day for years. The combination of those, along with not doing the big hobbies I have, has been part of the growing snowball effect.

I can’t even make myself take out a couple minutes to do anything, whether it’s a fun thing or not.

It feels like I snapped.

The only other time that has had similar effects on me was when my deep depression started ten years ago. Lack of interest, worse dreams, not giving myself time for fun.

I’m surprised that I even forced myself to write this post finally.

-Immemorial Musing