Depression. Anxiety. OCD. Feeling like I wasn’t meant for life. Feeling like things aren’t worth doing. Feeling like my life has already passed me. Feeling like I’ll never get happiness back.
I’m tired of everyone else living their lives. Why don’t I get to live a life? Why am I stuck in this nihilistic nightmare? I’m taking four pills for depression and anxiety and I still feel unfit for life.
It’s been years since I started therapy and prescription drugs. It’s been ten years since all of my extreme depression peaked.
Things have stayed still for my whole life. I’m just the same person: scared, nervous, reserved.
What is the point? Why can’t the point of life be known? It really feels like nothing matters after all.
I’m tired of not wanting to do anything. I don’t remember ever having motivation. Now all of my dreams have died too.
All I think about is how I wish my past was different. What if I talked to that one person? What if I said that one thing differently? What if I did that one thing I wanted to do?
I just can’t force myself to live. Motivation, interest, and even desire have all left my body and mind.
-Immemorial Musing
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