Immemorial Musing

I’ve been feeling like writing way more often lately.

I suppose there has been more readily available information in my mindscape.

However, as opposed to reflective abstract feelings, I’m going to write about what actually happened today.

This is going to actually be more personal from me, and more literal.

I was going to go see a movie with my two close friends today, and the franchise of this movie is one of the core things that my best friend and I bonded over to begin our friendship way back when.

However, for whatever culmination of reasons, I just couldn’t get myself up. I couldn’t get out of bed.

Now I’ve done this before. Not this specific instance, but this type of mechanism that my body uses.

Whenever my very core of my mind does not want to do something for any reason, I shut down. More often than not, this happens when I wake up, as I just don’t want to go through the day at all.

So, sadly, this mechanism emotionally glues me to my bed. I can’t talk, I can’t get up, and nothing will change that.

This has happened many times in my recent life, and I’ve missed many things because of it. Every time it has happened, deep down, I know the reason why it happens.

However, I’m not exactly sure what happened today.

Why would I not want to go see a special movie that my friends and I have been waiting for?

After the whole day, I’m still not sure.

Was it having to sit in a theater for a long time? I don’t see movies often, but, when I’m interested in the movie personally, that’s not a problem.

Did I not feel like being social? This is easily a common thing for me, but these are my two closest friends I’m talking about. Also, it’s a movie in a theater. Maybe I thought I’d have to at least acknowledge references and funny moments in the movie with them.

Was I just too tired? I pretty much never sleep well, and I had to wake up without getting enough sleep for myself. I’m pretty sure I’ve talked about sleep here before, but I could write a novel about my trouble with sleep at this point.

I don’t know. All I know is that I feel terrible.

I already feel bad when I cancel plans with my friends, but this is over the edge. I can’t help but feel like they’re mad at me.

Ugh. Too many thoughts circle around my mind for me to think about this too.

I might just write every day. I always have multiple things in my mind at once.

Also, I almost named this post “However”. It’s just such a helpful word.

-Immemorial Musing