Immemorial Musing

Why am I still here
There’s no point and there hasn’t been a point for so long
Things will never change
I’ll never fit into this reality
I wasn’t meant for this world
I didn’t ask for this
Why couldn’t it just have ended years ago
All I do is regret the past
I regret what I didn’t do but I don’t do anything in the present
And the future is my biggest fear

Nothing’s working
Nothing’s helping
There’s literally no point to anything
That’s not freeing, it’s crushing
Why do anything? Who cares?
Will I ever find motivation?
My dreams died years ago
I’ve just been a puppet
Have I ever been myself?
I don’t recognize the reflection in the mirror
Who am I?
Why am I me? Why am I here?
Why do I have this life?
It seems pointless

Why do I want fame?
Why do I want attention?
Will it make me feel seen?
I feel invisible
I’m trapped in this body
My soul is not who this body is
I really don’t know who I am

I’m in uncharted territory
I was suffering in my own head for years
But now this is the worst feeling
I feel useless
Worthless
I can’t do anything
I don’t want to do anything
And even if I do I can’t do it

Life just goes by
I wish I could do all sorts of things
I want to create so much
But I don’t do anything
I just sit there and dream pointlessly

-Immemorial Musing