Immemorial Musing

So imagine you feel down

And imagine you don’t have energy for things

And imagine you don’t have motivation to do anything

And imagine you don’t see the point in some things anyway

And imagine you’re afraid of people

And imagine you always feel like you’re a little kid having to speak to an adult

And imagine you’ve never felt confident in yourself

And imagine you don’t feel capable of doing anything

And imagine you had dreams but realized they won’t come true

And imagine nothing feels right

And imagine everything is a mental tug of war in your own head

And imagine that the smallest things make you so nervous that you worry about them weeks or months in advance

And imagine you are deathly afraid of things that people regularly do

And imagine you feel like no one really knows you

And imagine you lost faith in life years ago

And imagine you became so disconnected from reality that you can’t picture it for yourself anymore

And imagine you just want to start over

And imagine you just want to be someone else, anyone else

And imagine people don’t talk about these feelings, so you bottled everything up for years

And imagine you’ve been waiting for the right time to say anything, but it’ll never happen

And imagine that for some reason you have the urge to tell everyone your thoughts, but holding it in has caused you to be ready to blow up at any moment

And imagine that you’ve actually felt some of things for your entire life

And imagine that at this point you really believe that no one will understand you

And imagine you can’t listen to pretty much anything that anyone says anymore

And imagine that you truly believe you’re not meant for life

And imagine that all of this has been going on for almost a decade

Then imagine you feel down all the time, because you’re living with every single one of these things every day, and then just down anyway.

That’s me.

-Immemorial Musing